Reader "Festus Porkmeyer" submits the pic above and the following story. You're the man Porky!
The scenario: Porky blows the rebound from a halfass backside cutback and, anticipating a long swim to the beach, bodysurfs the same wave in — alongside his board, it turns out. Buried soundly in the whitewater, ever-adaptable bodysurfer Porky relaxes, lowering his head and arms until ... Bam!
A new way to get hurt?
An enduring curiosity surrounds Hynson’s Black Knight Quad and its severe down rails. Well, brother, the rails are indeed sharp. Porky’s gash resulted from a blunt-force hit. Porky is just glad he wasn’t riding the even-sharper-railed Twinzer.
Being cooped up in the house with a 3-year-old and a head wound has given Porky a little time to reflect. He wonders: Do the chipped front tooth, twice-broken nose — OK, once from a punchout — worn skin and recent head wound better reflect 22 years of hard-core commitment or two frivolous decades of donkeyhood, gaperism and kookiness?
Porky strongly suspects the latter and wonders if he is yet eligible for some sort of a Lifetime Donkey Achievement award. Twenty-two years, although just a fraction of a dedicated surf lifespan and but a handbreath in geological time, is a long time to be stuck in surfing’s equivalent of the sniffing-butts stage.
Jesus Baldheaded Christ. How did this turn into Confessions of a Super-Donkey? Sorry about that. Porky just hopes the picture helps during these infirm days.